Holy Crap Batman!

Bruce Wayne... err... Raffaello Follieri... and Anne Hathaway

Well today we all learned that Tom Hardy will be Bane in the finale of Christopher Nolan's Batman Trilogy. Great... he is a fantastic actor. No Holy Crap Batman there. But it is also reported that Anne Hathaway will take over as Catwoman. Meow indeed. Hathaway is known for her work getting owned by Merryl-I-can-act-and-you-can't-bitch-Streep in The Devil Wears Prada. But it must have been Brokeback Mountain that got Nolan to really notice her while he was brushing up on Ledger's cowboying.

So celeb casting, has this blog come to this? Kind of. The real story here is about an ever increasing and truly disturbing trend in the casting of the Batman franchise. Almost more disturbing than the Joker's chuckle, but just almost.

First of all, let's note that Batman is the ultimate canvas for art imitating life. A billionaire becomes a supernatural cape crusader, and his surreal new persona reflects his dark past. The "bat" is downright gothic, edgy. Just like Bruce Wayne's perception of the world. Oh he may say this mask is supposed to inspire fear in the enemy, but it is just as much his expressionistic f'ed up view of the world put to mask. In other words, the fury and fear that Batman conjures up derives not from of the idea of bats, but from the broken and battered expression of Bruce Wayne himself. Well, whoop de do you're probably saying. And I might too. But here, the film version of the Bat takes this notion of art imitating life to the next level. Casting Anne Hathaway is yet further proof. Hathaway has a criminal past of sorts. Her longtime boyfriend Raffaello Follieri committed fraud and laundered money, before ultimately being caught in 2008. As this blog's benefactor, the esteemed Stephen Nizer the III, points out, how could Hathaway not know about his criminal enterprise? I understand that evil sometimes skates by unnoticed. But he committed a bit more than adultery, right? He stole. He acted like a frickin' Gotham criminal, somewhere on the evil-o-meter between, say, Scarecrow (not that scary) and Croc (well he bites, in a good way). So plenty evil enough to be noticed by his feline fatale. And yet she stuck around, in all likelihood purrrrrfectly content not saying anything. She loved the fake Raffaello Follieri, affording her styles straight out of The Devil Wears Prada shoot. Loved his fake ass much like Catwoman loves her some bat suit latex. Bruce Wayne? Pffft. Where's the thrill in hitting that when you got your bat bib on and are ready to go? But I digress. Hathaway is great for the role. She probably has the slight criminal background covered, or at least knows how to look the other way. And her love for the bat... well just look at Follieri... looks a lot like Bruce before he stopped being all domestic. So definately life imitating art the whole way. This shouldn't be too hard for Hathaway, and props to Nolan for finding someone who won't have a hard time method acting this bit.

So how about some other examples to prove my theory? I don't like having to prove anything, but I guess I should so I might bring a bit of credibility after my recent f-ups. (Remember, Nizer hasn't lifted my swear embargo, so I'll be saying f-him for the time being instead of more colorful repartee and the like.) So here goes:

Batman: Christian Bale is a talented actor, but acting like the angry Bat is hardly a stretch. A few years back he is rumored to have flipped out and got into an abusive rumble with his sister and mother. Or some family members, maybe a distant uncle or cousin? Either way, when the Caped Crusader blurts out "WHERE ARE THEY!?!?!?!?!?!?" you know this is vintage Bale. Probably had a little Chardonnay and Vodka Martini, went out there, belted out the inner Bale, and boom, there is the bat. Great filmmaking, and an even greater little Smirnoff ad waiting to happen.

Bane: Tom Hardy is a nice guy it seems. Great in Inception breaking balls. Plenty of winking at Levitt and Page's little flirtatious pirouettes. So wouldn't the bad-ass Bane be questionable for such a charmer? I can see Hardy as a Hugo Strange. But Bane?! After visiting http://www.celebritygenius.com, it all became clear. Hardy has been hanging out with Lindsay Lohan. The bane of our existences. A bad pun for sure, but we all know where this is headed. Hanging out with Lindsay is the perfect way to prep for the part. What way to rage more than by hanging out with a Lohan?

Joker: Well, it isn't nice to go there, but let's look at Heath Ledger as the Joker. The Joker was a real psycho... the type of guy that you would swear was a pill popper. And I guess Ledger wasn't the most stable in his life, sorry to say. It was sad to see him end his life, whether intentional or not, in such a sad way. A really talented guy, who Nolan knew skirted too close to the edge. So naturally, casting the manic depressant as Joker was casting genius. Honorary Academy Award genius.

Rachel: Katie Holmes plays the character in the first movie, before disappearing in the second. I guess this poof into oblivion mimics her Hollywood career.

Alright, so another mean column from a man about as far in the continental US from Hollywood as possible. But when you've got a hero like Ricky Gervais, you have to act on your impulse to attack a celebrity. In all seriousness though, doesn't this art imitating life in these Batman movies seem eerily true? If not, I guess my batting percentage will be even lower. But more than anything, isn't this whole thing unhealthy? I mean let's look at the track record of the cast members above: Hathaway has a convict for an ex, Bale has anger management issues worse than Jack Nicholson, Heath Ledger left us, Hardy is shacking up with a fresh out of rehab Lohan, and Katie Holmes is more noted as the surrogate of the scientologist's future grand poobah than as an actress. Talk about a broken and battered cast. And talk about a great movie franchise. Nolan is an evil genius.