Since those beloved 70s disasters flicks--Earthquake, Airport, etc.--fleeing hasn't been done nearly as cool. Check the rest at: http://blog.moviefone.com/2006/05/03/cinematical-7-pre-poseidon-guide-to-70s-disaster-flicks/. Now within one week, fleeing has been re-defined for the iPhone app generation. That's right, not that generation with 2g phones endorsed by, in retrospect, really creepy minimalist art deco (I don't even know what that is), but a new generation with apps that can buy apps. That is app-licious. Without turning this into an article about fleeing from Apple or a bad girl Eve having a 10g in Eden, let's get back to that constant tease: what fleeing am I f@$!ing talking about?
First of all, there has been all this Wisconsin backwater bull with the demoncats fleeing the state. Union workers want to keep the right to negotiate. When we made the constitution, we negotiated the little bits and morsels and cooked up this America we now see today. But, whoops, we kept the thing on the stove too damn long. And we're burned. Burned out too. Then came Wisconsin. Wisconsin is like a bad dessert after you've been scraping off that burned shit on the corner of your rye toast when you let the cheddar combust instead of simmer. The trouble, dare I say curse, of this country is catering to the people who negotiate. Did King George III negotiate? No, he did not. He threw our asses to the wolves and sent us on a mission to f&#$ over Native Americans by getting a racial minority to actually think the word Native is PC. That is cold of Georgie Boy, but it got the job done. In that rare case, we didn't flee. They did. And, by the way, can you imagine Rush Limbaugh and the royals together? No, I cannot. I like my divas on separate continents. But I digress from my digression.
And just this morning, I read on CNN about why Americans are fleeing Libya. That's right. The article couldn't be about American's fleeing Libya. It is about "why" Americans are fleeing. Why implies there is some reason to stay, as if in this post-common sense world we have to justify leaving to make sure, you know, we're PC in doing so: http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/02/25/tekbali.libya.evacuation/index.html?hpt=C1. I can't see one possible reason to stay in that country, save if you want to watch Gadhafi go into apoplexy the way his father did when he gave birth to Gadhafi in that bunker back in the 40s. Can you imagine if the Brits ran a title "Why did Jews flee Germany"? I don't think media back in the Nazi Dark Ages would throw little veiled pokes at their Semite readers -- did you really, really, think about how your fleeing Germany would make the Germans feel about themselves?
In further fleeing news, on Cuban Broadcasting Company, the cigar might be extinguished for good: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/48632. That's right. Charlie Sheen's magnum opus might be over on the family friendly network. I guess the studio heads figured icing the deal with a cuban and a line off a prostitute was just recreational. A once a week handshake of a different sort. Instead, it was a sign of things to come. I didn't hate the show, but wasn't its biggest fan either. What I'm scared of now is how many more crime shows CBS can muster in its line up. I hear they're going to pilot with one starring Minnie Driver. She can bust produce vendors, and do an impression of her Goodie Will co-star saying "How bout them apples?" No, I'll pass. I'll frankly flee from that show the same way anyone with a heart should from MTV's Skins. What remains is the question of whether CBS can come up with another show with a c, i, and s in the title. I mean, there they had CSI. Then CSI Miami. Then CSI New York. Then NCIS, which I've heard pronounced NCSI. So how about SIC, Specialized Interrogation and Communication. A show about figuring out a better way to say "Can you hear me now?" You in Afghania, in the service, and need a cell phone call stat? Call SIC and they're there. SIC also does wiretaps and rescues senators from Manchurian Candidate situations where radio waves are involved. So SIC really is the next best thing - a technological thriller procedural that respects and supports the armed services and can also spawn cheapie episodes with some douchebag looking into a computer monitor like I am right now. If being that douchebag entitles me to union standard pay, I'm in.
And with that, we're back to unions. That's right. I guess those guys might have, *cough*, been right. We're burned, battered, over saturated like Arod with CDiaz and that bag of popcorn, and we're Americans. And we should keep those unions we fled years ago to get. We're Americans and we're proud to be the fleeing type, because if there's one thing this nation does, it flees with the best of them. Right down to fleeing from England, we know how to get moving when it counts. And that makes me- *fleeing from Steve Nizer for not writing a column in a month*.
Until next time, my fleeting and fleeing readership.
No comments:
Post a Comment