People always ask me, Steve Nizer, to help solve complicated problems. Despite a complete and total lack of qualifications, I'm always happy to serve as a trusted counselor during times of emotional instability. Recently, I helped mediate a divorce settlement and a child custody issue. Let me share my secret with you. This would also make a great reality show.
Two people come in. They both have what they view as a legitimate grievance. Instead of seeking common ground and finding a rational compromise, I often assign blame. Say that Sarah and Roger want a second shot at love and seek me out to fix their troubled relationship. Now, an objective analyst might fault Roger for his chronic infidelity and excessive substance use. However, I side with Roger and order Sarah to pay him a monthly stipend the rest of her life. Why? Roger drives a sports car and does cool things like drink vodka from a paper bag in public. This often endears one party to me.
In another instance, Susan and Dick come in to discuss their troubled relationship. Dick is the provider and care giver, while Susan spends most of her days at the mall. However, Susan is attractive. Dick is also named "dick", so I automatically rule against him and award Susan their house.
The show is completely arbitrary and insensitive, which is much like a real counseling session with "Dr." Phil.
Steve, this is actually a fantastic show idea. There are so many reality shows dealing with marriage, but none which take on the final frontier of the dissolution of marriage. I imagine it as a modern reboot of the Newlywed Game entitled Blame it on the Kids (I hear Billy Bush is available for hosting duties). Here instead of there being one winner, there's only one loser, and that losing couple gets an all expense paid trip to the Santa Monica Superior Court where they will be awarded a divorce free of charge, all court, filing, attorney or other miscellaneous fees will be paid for by the studio.
ReplyDeleteBill Donohue will almost assuredly protest Blame it on the Kids as the glorification of an unChristian activity, but that should give this show a boost in the ratings.