Redneck Treasure

Well folks, when you're rich and you butter your bread because an audience tuned in thinking it was watching a tractor race, you better know your f&*#!% demographic. Being rich in the redneck reality tv game, means pretending to be poor. Not poor, I'm a working mom on the edge. F&*# that. No, I'm talking about redneck poor. Winter's Bone on crack poor. See the shot below. This is your demographic, if it weren't Hollywood actors and actress acting poor. No, the grits are a permanent dietary item, not some minor Robert Downey Jr. stray from the norm before wandering back to the 20th Century Fox teet. So when you are in reality, you better act poor, stupid, and more importantly, live that Confederate dream.

A bit on ratings and what that means to rednecks across the promised land. Behind closed doors, ratings aren't compiled based upon some soccer mom in Rhode Island watching Oprah and wondering if she should stick a knife in the toaster to get the wheat bread out. No, ratings are based upon the American/Redneck index. If you are from the CSA--Confederate States of America--you are an important niche market for products like motor oil, Jimmy Dean sausages, and midget pornography. On the other hand is the boring index. Yeah, I'm looking at you day traders and golf cart salesmen. You are boring, so please go be boring somewhere else. So, Hollywood needs to step up to the f&*#!% plate and cater to its real audience, if you'll pardon my f&*#!% franglish. And this audience is the redneck. It is a redneck reality revolution. So let's get a 2.9 share in the 18-49 demo, or your mom is gonna throw bacon grease on you pigs.

Well, I'm obviously unstable, and that is what makes me perfectly f&*#!% competent to speak about redneck reality tv. It is an untapped market. That's right. Reality tv sucks because it isn't stupid and poverty stricken enough. We need bum fights. Bears drinking whiskey. Wet t-shirt contests using rank swamp water. This is the shit that makes life worth living, or more accurately, watching others live. And do we want to watch real poor people struggling to get by, gang raped by politicians who are hyped up on non-FDA approved penile supplements? No, that is stupid. We want celebrities to "act" reality. So let's bring on the celebs. Drop them into West Virginia with a pack of birth control and an elephant rifle and let them have at it. I'll be watching, and so will you, if you're a real redneck at heart, and not some boring ass day trader or golf cart salesmen. Did I already say that. Well, shit. Reality tv writing, like reality tv, is all about rinse wash and repeat. And if you don't like that, well go be boring on your own f&*#!% time. Asshole.